


Seelenbindung

by Sinthrill



Category: Grimm (TV)
Genre: M/M, Slow Burn, Soulmates, kind of but not really
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-16
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-03-30 11:14:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13950399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sinthrill/pseuds/Sinthrill
Summary: Nick is having a hard time trusting Captain Sean Renard. Sean thinks he knows a way to change that.EDIT: Massive edits to this story. Over 1000 words added with most of it in chapter 1.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Set in a nebulous season 3, at least post episode 3.02.

Detective Nick Burkhardt knocked on the door frame of Captain Sean Renard's police precinct office as he leaned his head inside the door. “Sir? You wanted to see me?”

The captain looked up from from where he had been signing overtime forms. He waved Nick into the room. “Yes. Come on in and close the door.”

Nick stepped all the way in and turned to close the door. As he moved into the office, Sean leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms.

“We haven't had the chance to really talk about anything since you found out about me,” The captain said. He watched Nick intently as he moved into the room. “I've been getting the feeling that you don't trust me.”

Nick grimaced as he sat down. He didn’t like the thought even though it was at least half true. His new knowledge of the captain’s heritage certainly wasn’t helping. According to everything his ancestors had written about _‘beists_ , there was only so far you could trust them. “It's not exactly that I don't trust you. So far as I've seen, you've been mostly helpful. But I also know that you aren’t telling me everything.”

Just look at everything that had happened with the key and with Juliette. Captain Renard may have given the key back to him, but he had also gone out of his way to steal it from Nick in the first place. Secretly waking Juliette and hiding that fact as well as hiding the consequences of waking her had nearly killed Juliette and the captain both. It certainly hadn’t given Nick any evidence of the captain’s trustworthiness. It had instead shown evidence that he was willing to manipulate Nick.

Nick leaned forward, blue eyes sharp as his voice hardened, “I'm also not willing to be your pawn, Captain. A lot of things have happened in this city that you've had your fingers in. I seem to keep running head first into them and more often than not, I get hurt.”

“I'm not sure what you want from me, exactly. I've been as transparent as possible.” Frustration was beginning to twist at the edges of Sean’s mouth as he lifted his hands to lay flat on desk. This is exactly why he wanted to have this conversation with Nick in the first place. Why couldn’t Nick understand? Sean was the Royal in charge of the Portland canton. Of course he kept abreast of as much as he could in the _wesen_ community.

Nick shook his head and lifted his hands in a shrug. “I really don't know. I just know I need more than you are giving me. I can't walk into another situation blind, like the Cracher-Mortel.”

Anger flashed over Sean's face as he stood up abruptly. That wasn’t fair. He had done everything he could in that situation. His brother’s treachery shouldn’t be laid at Sean’s feet. “I told you everything I knew about that. You even listened to the phone call when my brother called me!”

“No, no, I'm sorry. I know you did. That's not exactly what I meant.” Nick followed the captain to his feet and raised his hands in a quelling gesture.

“What exactly _did_ you mean?” Sean leaned forward aggressively as his control over his anger slipped and his face rippled into _woge._ He snarled and half turned away, not wanting to see himself reflected in Nick's Grimm eyes.

“Not that,” The beginnings of regret was clear in Nick’s voice. He certainly hadn’t meant to imply that the captain would deliberately let him walk into a trap without information or backup. “Look, it's really not personal, sir. After the fact, I just kept finding out that you were involved and/or knew about a lot of the _wesen_ cases we've gotten.” Sighing heavily, he moved back to his chair and sat down. “It's made it hard to really to trust where you stand.”

Sean shook his head, his _woge_ smoothing back into his human face as he pulled his anger in and attempted to tuck it back away. He turned and looked at Nick. “I've been in Portland a long time. I'm a _zauberbeist_ and a Royal. Politics is what I do. I've done my best to keep the _wesen_ criminal element in check and I've been doing it alone for most of that time.”

Sean took a deep breath and moved back to his chair. He sat down heavily and stared hard at Nick. He was going to have to offer Nick more than just words. Words alone obviously weren’t getting the two of them anywhere. It needed to be something concrete, something that couldn’t be doubted.

The _Seelenbindung._ His mother had told him about it when he was younger. A way to force trustworthiness between two _‘beists_ that didn’t have any negative side effects beyond not being able to betray each other.

Nick nearly flinched at the silent scrutiny, unnerved at the captain’s intensity.

“There is one thing I can do. I am willing to offer you _Seelenbindung_ ,” The captain’s green eyes were serious as he extended the offer.

“What?” Nick blinked rapidly at the sudden turn in the conversation. “What is that?”

Sean eyes flicked away, embarrassment rising and a slight flush appearing on his cheekbones. “It's a _hexenbeist_ ritual meant to ensure trust. I know my past actions have made trust between us a difficult thing. I would like to fix that.”

Nick gaped at the captain. He hadn’t been expecting that at all. Ever since he had found out what the captain was, it had seemed as though the other man just wanted to sweep all his past actions against Nick under the rug and pretend they had never happened. “I’ve never heard of it.”

“That’s not surprising. It’s not something we use often with non- _‘beists_. Being what we are, it’s sometimes necessary to ensure the ability to trust.” The captain shifted uncomfortably in his seat and waited for Nick’s response.  

“I don’t object to the idea of it,” Nick offered hesitantly. “How does it work?”

“It’s…” Sean hesitated for a moment, not sure how to phrase it. “It’s a blood ritual that forces- well, not exactly honesty but truthfulness and inclusiveness, if that makes sense. I wouldn’t be able to lie to you in order to manipulate you. I would feel the need to tell you about any actions of mine that might impact you and your life.”

“Oh.” Nick was shocked. It seemed too good to be true.

After another moment of silently staring at each other and no comment forthcoming from the other man, Sean cleared his throat. “Look, think about it and let me know if you might be interested. I can explain more later.”

“Uh, okay, yeah,” With a last shock and confused look at Sean, Nick headed out of the office.

… …

After a long and tedious day of paperwork and court appearances, Nick decided to head to the trailer to see if any of the books could shed light on what Captain Renard had offered.

_Seelenbindung._

Of course it was German.

He pulled all of the books he had found references to _hexen-_ and _zauberbeist_ information onto the desk and settled in to see if he could at least find the word, even if he couldn't read it.

Two hours later he sat back with an irritated huff, roughly closing the last book. There was nothing in the books about _seelenbindung._

While frustrating, that was unfortunately entirely unsurprising. The books really were mostly full of nothing but weaknesses and the best and/or easiest ways to kill the various _wesen_ his ancestors had encountered.

He shivered with an abrupt burst of private glee as he stood and pulled his off the back of the desk chair. It also meant he got to add some information of his own to his ancestors’ collection. And this was one bit of information he could add that most likely wasn't going to hurt him for not being already known.

Once he managed to hunt someone down who actually knew what the heck it was, anyway.

He would start with Monroe.

… …

“Holy!” Monroe jerked in surprise. “Wow, that's.... yeah.” He shook his head. “I mean, seriously, wow. It's a good thing you didn't say yes OR no. That's serious business for a _zauberbeist_.”

“Well, what does it mean, Monroe?” Nick asked again, exasperated.

Monroe hesitated, unsure how to phrase it before deciding to go with the literal translation. “ _Seelenbindung_ means Soul Binding.”

Nick's blue eyes widened, “What? Soul binding? Why would he offer that?”

Monroe waved his hand at Nick, inviting him into the living room as he walked through to sit on the couch,“It's a ritual meant to prove that you can trust him. Well, mostly.”

“Mostly? What does that mean? And how would it prove I can trust him? He's a _zauberbeist_ . I mean, I know that _wesen_ are all just as varied as humans when it comes to trust-ability and all that but basic nature doesn't change. He's always going to see me and everyone else as a pawn for him to use.”

“Mostly.” Monroe moved his hand in a so-so gesture and nodded his head, attempting to look guileless.

“Okay, again. What do you mean by mostly?” Nick was exasperated at the _blutbad's_ obvious evasion.

Monroe looked at Nick in silence as he weighed his answer. He really wasn’t sure he knew enough about this ritual to act as an authority on it for Nick. He _certainly_ didn’t know enough (or really any) _hexenbeist_  well enough to guess at motivation or what the ritual might really mean to Nick’s captain. But as Nick looked expectantly at him, Monroe sighed. “The _Seelenbindung_ would bind you two together. The ritual would essentially force him to think of you in all of his plans. Your needs, wants, and general well being would become just as important to him as his own.”

“That sounds a little, um,” Nick verbally floundered as he finally moved fully into the room and sat next to Monroe on the couch, “like marriage.”

Monroe pulled his a leg up on the couch as he turned toward Nick and leaned in, voice dropping into a near whisper, as though imparting a deep, dark secret. “Well, it is, kind of. More or less. I mean, _zauberbeist_ and _hexenbeist_ don't follow conventional human marriage. If they do get married you can pretty much expect them to break their vows the first time something better comes along or even just as a method of gaining more power. But this, man, this is a guarantee. This ritual uses their blood and forces them to actually mean it. This is a seriously big deal for him, Nick. He's offering you everything he has. There is truly nothing more serious than this for a _'beist_.”

“Okay wow. Now I really don't know how to answer him.” Nick shook his head and rubbed his hands over his face before he flopped all the way back into the couch. “So what would be expected of me if I did this ritual?”

Monroe held his hands up in a quelling gesture and leaned away from Nick. “Aw man. I really don't know much. Really all I know is what it does and that it's something that _hexenbiest_ don't offer to just anybody and they definitely don't take it lightly. You really need to ask what exactly it would mean and what would be expected of you and all that jazz. I've never done it and I've never met anyone who's ever done it.”

“Okay, then,” Nick dragged his hands over his face again and stood up. “Thanks for your help, Monroe. I've definitely got a lot to think about.”

Nick walked over to the door and grabbed his coat, feeling off-centered and confused. While he now knew more about what the ritual was exactly, it had helped his ability to make a decision about this less than he had hoped. As he opened the door he looked back at Monroe, “I guess I'll let you know how it goes.”

Once in his car Nick sighed. He took out his phone and stared at it for a minute and then shook his head before putting it away, deciding that he would sleep on the whole thing first. Putting his car in gear, he headed towards home.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Discussion happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am absolutely blown away by the response to this! Thank you so much, guys. Sorry this chapter is a little short.

Nick spent a restless night. Nebulous thoughts of 'why would the captain offer something so important' competing with thoughts of how much easier things would be if he just knew he could completely trust his captain to be on his side.

Someone with not only ties in human politics but with high standing in the _wesen_ world.

When he finally gave up sleeping at 6 am the next morning he had managed to come to half a decision. Half being that he would at least talk to the captain about what the ritual actually meant to a _zauberbeist_ instead of what _blutbadden_ knew only as hearsay.

With that thought in mind, he grabbed his phone and sent a text: _Okay, so I've thought about it and I just don't have enough information. Can we talk more about this somewhere not at the office?_

An hour later he had a return text: _That works. Coffee?_

Nick: _So_ _mewhere not public. My place?_

Sean: _What time?_

Nick: _2pm work for you?_

Sean: _Yes, see you then._

… ... 

At 5 minutes to 2pm, the doorbell rang.

“I brought coffee,” Sean held up a to go container with two cups. Despite it being his day off he was dressed in his usual dark suit.

“Uh, come on in,” Nick stepped back and awkwardly waved him in.

They moved together into the living room. Nick sat on the white couch as Sean set down the coffee and tossed his jacket over the back of the chair. He sat down in the chair and looked at Nick.

“So. What do you still need to know?” He grabbed a coffee, looking expectantly at Nick.

“Well, what exactly does this ritual do? I talked to Monroe and all he could tell me was that this ritual is a big deal for _hexen-_ and _zauberbiest_ ’s,” Nick reached for the other coffee, rolling it between his hands restlessly.

Sean huffed a laugh. Leaning forward, he set his coffee down and steepled his hands between his knees. “He’s not wrong. In fact, it’s arguably our most important. It-” He hesitated, “Well, as I said when I first made the offer, it guarantees trust. The ability to trust. But it’s more than that. It’s a joining of purposes so that there will be no _need_ to worry about needing to trust each other. Your goals will be my goals. My goals will be your goals.”

The captain’s uncharacteristic hesitancy combined with the seriousness of his statement made Nick think back to his conversation with Monroe. Maybe there was some merit to what he had said to Monroe about the ritual. “This is sounding more and more like some kind of, of marriage.”

Sean laughed, his tension releasing abruptly, “Well, it’s not that. Think of it more as a blood brotherhood. You’ll be able to trust that I’ll never work against you, actively or otherwise. And it _is_ a two way street. I’ll be able to trust the same thing of you. The soul binding aspect is more in that it will force me to consider you in the same light as I would consider myself.”

“So it won’t force emotion, like what happened with you and Juliette?” Nick asked tentatively. The ritual sounded almost too good to be true.

“No. From what I know, it simply encourages honesty and prevents us from working at cross purposes. It certainly can’t force you to feel or act outside of your own desires or best interests,” Sean said.

“Well, how exactly does it do that?”

“That, at least, I couldn’t tell you for sure. I’ve never participated in a _Seelenbindung._ I have a copy of the ritual and I’ve seen evidence of the results, but I’ve no first hand experience.”

Nick looked surprised, “Who-?”

“My mother.”

“Well,” Nick looked at Sean before he shook his head and snorted, “So I’ll be honest, the fact that your mother participated in the ritual with someone is actually a relief.”

Nick looked away for a moment as he took a drink of his coffee, thinking about their options. Really it was this or continue on, constantly working at cross-purposes. A waste, considering that he was pretty sure they both wanted the same thing in the long run; a governed _wesen_ community.

“I want to be able to trust you,” Nick finally said, voice serious. “Not only am I a Grimm but you are a Royal and that means something to _wesen._ I think we need to be able to work together as more than just police captain and detective. So… yes. I’m willing to do this with you.”

Sean leaned back in his seat, relief written plainly on his face. “I’m glad. I think it’s important that we’re able to trust each other. Portland needs us both.”

“Captain-”

“Ah,” Sean lifted his hand in a quelling gesture. “Sean. Since we're doing this, call me Sean at least outside of work.”

“Sean.” Nick's mouth quirked in a half smile. “Okay. Well, when do you want to do this?”

“As soon as possible. There are a few things I have to get and then I’ll be ready. Are you busy tonight?”

“No, I can be ready tonight. Is there anything I need to do to be ready?” Nick asked.

“Just be here,” Sean stood and grabbed his jacket. As he shrugged it on Nick stood and opened the front door for him. “I only need a few things. I’ll be back in a few hours.”

The enormity of his decision hit Nick as soon as the door finished closing behind Sean. He turned and leaned back against the door and ran his hands through his hair, fisting his hands and pulling.

With a grunt he jerked his hands away and let his head fall back against the door with a thunk. The decision was made. Sean would be back by evening and they would do this ritual.

This soul binding.

Nick almost couldn’t believe what he was planning to do. Permanently binding himself and his goals with Captain Sean Renard, of all people. On the other hand, at least Sean was a powerful person in the _wesen_ world. Having him on Nick’s side would make the Grimm’s life quite a bit easier in almost every way. As a police captain Sean could help hide the _wesen_ involvement in crimes and as a Royal and a _zauberbeist_ he could be a big help identifying and containing dangerous _wesen_.

Nick nodded to himself as he stood away from the front door and headed back into his house. Decision completely made, after all. No matter the possible long term consequences, this was a step he wanted to take.

… …

At just after 5 pm, the doorbell rang again. Nick jumped to his feet and hurried to the door, nerves jangling. Even with hours to think and prepare, he still wasn’t ready. He paused at the door, leaning his hands against it and closing his eyes. He stood tensely for a moment before breathing out sharply, half growling at himself. He had made his decision.

Finally he looked through the peephole, already unlocking the door. It was Sean, still dressed in his suit and with one arm wrapped around a paper bag and the other hand running jittery lines on his pants leg. Nick opened the door and they stood looking at each other.

“Hi,” Nerves were visible in the pinched set of Nick’s eyes.

Sean raised his eyebrows questioningly. “Hi.”

“Uh, sorry. Come on in, Capt- uh, Sean.” Nick stepped back and waved his hand toward the living room.

Sean moved into the room and started pulling his supplies out of the bag and laying them out on the coffee table. A smooth wooden bowl was first followed by a dagger, two packets of dried plant, one packet of yellow powder, a vial of clear liquid, and an old leather-bound book.

Nick followed him into the room and moved to sit on the other side of the table. “What exactly do we need to do?”

“It’s actually fairly simple,” Sean said. He got down on his knees next to the table and looked over at Nick. “I’ll need to mix this all together, add a couple drops of blood from both of us, and then we will each need to drink half of the potion. I’m not exactly sure what happens after that, my mother never said.”

Nick leaned forward suddenly, shocked at what he was hearing. That couldn’t be right, not after what had happened to Adalind after she had ingested his blood. “Blood? But you’re a zauberbeist! Won’t my blood kill that part of you?”

Sean paused, staring at Nick with a half smile on his face. After a moment he shook his head slightly and turned back to the table. “The clear liquid is a stabilizer. It will prevent that from happening.”

“Oh. Well, good then.”

“Thank you for thinking of it,” Sean’s smile widened as he consulted the book and started measuring ingredients and adding them to the bowl.

“So what goes exactly is going into this,” Nick asked, watching the painstaking measurements.

“Well, I’ll be honest and tell you that you probably don’t actually want to know. But if you really want-”

“Uh,” Nick interrupted. “No, I’ll take your word for it. If you tell me I don’t want to know, I really probably don’t want to know.”

“You really don’t,” Sean said, reaching for the dagger and carefully piercing the tip of his ring finger. He slowly tipped his finger over the bowl, watching closely as 3 drops fell in before he pulled his hand away quickly. He handed the knife to Nick. “Exactly 3 drops of blood, please.”

Sean watched closely as Nick leaned toward the table, pricked his ring finger, and carefully let 3 drops of blood fall into the bowl.

As the last drop hit the liquid in the bowl it sparked and flared up in flame, startling both men into jerking back.

“Well, that was dramatic,” Nick laughed shakily. He was wary of more sparks or flame as he attempted to peak into the bowl.

Sean huffed a quiet laugh as he leaned forward to pick up the bowl. “Now all we have to do is each drink half of it.”

He followed his words by bringing the bowl up to his mouth. He quickly swallowed a large mouthful, grimacing. “It certainly doesn’t taste the greatest.”

He handed the bowl over to Nick. Nick wrinkled his nose as he grabbed the bowl. He tipped it slightly towards Sean. “Bottom’s up,” he said. He lifted the bowl and swallowed the liquid in it quickly, fighting not to gag.

“Wow,” Nick coughed, placing the bowl back on the coffee table. “That was… truly disgusting. Now what?”

Sean leaned forward and looked at the book, dragging his finger slowly down the page as he read through the ritual again. “That should be it,” Sean shook his head and sat back. “It doesn’t say anything else after drinking the potion, so I suppose now we just go about our lives.”

“I guess that’s that, then,” Nick said. He watched Sean get up, still feeling off balance at the anticlimactic ending to the ritual.

Sean was in the process of putting his coat on to leave when he felt an odd sensation, almost a tugging against his lungs. He reached up to touch his chest and looked thoughtfully at Nick.

“So there's something I should probably tell you,” Sean finished putting his coat on as he moved back towards Nick and sat down again. “I didn't-” he hesitated for a moment before rushing forward. Honesty and full disclosure was going to be necessary if they were going to make this work. “Adalind is pregnant.”

“What? Uh, isn't she out of the country working for that international company?”

“My family's company. I still have connections there and I've been told that she's taking bidding for a Royal child,” Sean leaned back and rubbed his hands on his thighs. “I have proof of pregnancy in the form of an ultrasound video and with the timeline it's unlikely to be anyone's but mine.”

Nick made a choked sound. “Taking biddings? She’s trying to _sell_ her child?”

“Your books weren’t lying about the general self-centeredness of a _hexenbeist,_ ” Sean laughed softly as he shook his head. Amusement softened his face. There would have been no need for the ritual if those books hadn’t been absolutely correct about the basic underlying nature that made up half of Sean’s genetic history.   

Nick smiled at Sean, “Thank you for letting me know. Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Oh, no, thank you, Nick. I just… I don’t know. It just felt like something you needed to know,” Sean scrubbed his hand over his short hair, embarrassed. “The ritual already at work, probably.”

He stood quickly and gestured toward the door. “I should go.”

Nick jumped up and moved toward the door with Sean. “Thank you for this, Sean. I’m glad you offered this.”

Sean smiled at Nick as he stepped out of the house. “You’re welcome. I’m glad you said yes. I think we could do good things together for this city.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry it took so long to get this chapter out! I want to say I'll do better with next chapter but I really feel like I shouldn't lie to you guys. But! Chapter 3 is started so it WILL get written, just possibly not in a terribly timely manner.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner and an argument.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tiny bit of plot development! And... oh hey, Juliette! There you are... um. You exist in this universe after all.
> 
> All credit for this chapter needs to go to crown-of-the-circus-queen for talking me into inspiration! And to AdryFLD for all her cheerleading!

Nick kept expecting things to be different afterwards. But at first they really weren't. He continued to work both  _ wesen _ and non- _ wesen  _ cases. Sean pitched in whenever Nick requested information or ran a case by him and otherwise did the same as he always had.

Gradually things  _ did _ change. Nick was a little more forthcoming with information about cases. Sean was more likely to volunteer what he knew about those  _ wesen _ involved. 

And the biggest change started a few weeks after the ritual.

One evening when Sean and Nick were leaving the precinct at the same time. They road in the elevator together companionably and when they normally would have parted in the parking garage, Nick hesitated. 

“Sean?”

In the process of turning away, Sean looked back with his eyebrows raised in a question.

“Would you like to get dinner?” Nick asked.  He had been wanting to really talk to the captain for a while now but no time had ever seemed right. But they had never socialized outside of work so he was going to just have to make a good time. 

Sean  looked at Nick in surprise for a moment before he  smiled, “Sure, we could do that. Where were you thinking?”

“There’s a diner just down the road called Slice of Life, have you heard of it?”

“I’ve heard of it,” Sean said, pulling his car keys out of his pocket. “Meet you there?” 

“That works.” Nick nodded. Sean dipped his head and continued his turn towards his car. Nick smiled at Sean’s retreating back. That had been easier than his nerves insisted it should have been.

On the drive to the diner Nick kept thinking about the things he wanted to talk to Sean about. He had noticed what he was pretty sure were side effects of the ritual that Sean hadn’t mentioned.  There was a constant nagging tug to be physically closer to Sean, to talk to him, to spend time with him. It was ignorable but it was always there, humming in the background of everything he did. 

It wasn’t until they were both seated at a booth in the diner facing each other that Nick started to feel awkward. 

“Thank you for-” 

“It was nice of you-” 

They spoke at the same time. Sean chuckled as he broke off and a light flush rose on Nick’s face. 

But the laughter broke the ice. They comfortably chatted about little things as they ordered and got their food. At first about the menu and food they both liked, gradually expanding out into more general things.

Every few minutes, Seans knee or foot would bump against Nick’s as they talked. 

As they were finishing their meals Nick decisively set down his silverware. “So one of the reasons I actually wanted to spend time outside of work with you was to talk about the ritual.” 

“Yes?” Sean asked. He steepled his hands on the table and looked at Nick. “I’ll be honest, I’m a little surprised it’s taken this long. I had started thinking maybe I was the only one feeling it.” 

“So it isn’t just me? You’re feeling it too? This need to be near each other?” 

“It’s been stronger than I expected. My mother never seemed impacted by the ritual this strongly. They don’t even live near each other.” Sean shrugged, frustrated that his information hadn’t been as complete as he thought it was. “I can contact her, ask her how the bond and ritual side effects work for her.” 

“Yeah, that’s a good idea. You’ll let me know?” 

“Of course.”

Nick smiled at Sean, pleased at the complete lack of hesitation at sharing information. “Well, completely outside of anything related to the ritual, thanks for having dinner with me, Sean. It was nice. We’ll have to do it again sometime.” 

“Absolutely.” 

… … 

Nick had a smile on his face as he walked in his front door. It had been a good night with good food and good company and he felt happier than he had in a long time.

“Hey, Nick.” Nick looked toward the living room and smiled at Juliette as she greeted him. She was curled up on the couch with a book. “You’re home late. Big case?”

“No, the captain and I got dinner before I headed home,” Nick replied.

“Dinner?” Juliette asked, eyebrow shooting up. “With Captain Renard?”

“Yes? Why?” Nick turned to look at her from where he had been hanging his jacket, surprised by the shock in her voice. 

“But why? I thought you didn’t trust him?” 

“Ah, I didn’t used to.” Nick grimaced. He hadn’t said anything to Juliette about the ritual, either before he and Sean completed it or in the weeks after. He moved into the living room cautiously, not sure how he should explain to her. 

“So…?” Juliette set her book aside, eyebrows raised. “Is something going on?”

He looked at her, consternation in the set of his eyebrows. Why hadn’t he said anything to Juliette? “I didn’t trust him. But when I told him that, he told me about a  _ hexenbiest _ ritual that guarantees trust between two people.” 

“Excuse me?” Juliette gaped at him, aghast. “A  _ ritual _ ?”

“I talked to Monroe about it before-”

“You- Wait, what? Are you telling me that you  _ did  _ this ritual?” Juliette interrupted, sharply pushing to her feet. “When did this happen? Where was I?”

“You were… um. We did the ritual a few weeks ago.” 

“You did- What? Are you kidding me? What kind of ritual even was this! Do you not remember what happened the last time there was a hexenbeist ritual that I was involved in?” Juliette crossed her arms, cheeks shading red in her fury.

“Just… calm down. It’s not the same thing at all. It’s called  _ Seelenbindung _ , Soul Binding, and it-” Nick’s words nearly tripped over themselves as he tried to explain.

“You- Soul binding? Are you serious? I can’t believe you didn’t tell me!” Juliette sputtered, furious. She slashed her hand through the air violently. “Or, you know, discussed it with me  _ before  _ you tied the rest of your life to someone else!” 

“It’s not like that, Juliette,” Nick pleaded, reaching for her. She jerked back, her mouth twisted in anger.

“Don’t touch me.” Juliette turned away, shaking her head. “I thought we had put the lying behind us.” 

“Juliette, please.” His voice was quiet and pleading as Nick watched as Juliette headed for the stairs still shaking her head in refusal. He felt defeated but didn’t know what else to do. He deserved Juliette’s anger. 

“No, Nick. Just no. I’m not dealing with this right now.” Halfway up the stairs Juliette stopped and half turned back toward Nick. “We’ll talk about this tomorrow. I’m just- I don’t know what to think about this.” 

Juliette laughed, a grating edge of bitterness sharply audible to Nick’s ears. “This is such a huge thing! And to not even mention anything about it to me for weeks? How did you expect me to react?”

“Juliette…” There was helplessness in the downturn of Nick’s mouth. Because Juliette was half right. It hadn’t even occurred to him to say anything to her. Expectation wasn’t possible when he hadn’t thought of her at all. 

Juliette exhaled a bitter sound at the struggle reflected in Nick’s blue eyes. “We’ll talk tomorrow.” 

She turned away and walked up the stairs. She didn’t slam the bedroom door but Nick still thought it sounded very final as he looked up the empty stairs. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Conversations happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so, so, so, sorry this took so long for me to post! Writer's block and laziness combined to give me the heebie jeebies every time I even thought about writing for a few weeks. Hopefully that is over now, though.

Morning came much quicker than Nick was expecting. He had spent the night not sleeping, staring at the ceiling as he lay on the couch. He couldn’t help but wonder what he had even been thinking. Or not thinking, as the case had turned out to be. 

How had he forgot Juliette? He saw her every single day, slept in the same bed as her every night. Maybe she was right. If he could forget her place in his life so easily, lie to her so easily even if only by omission, maybe it was time they let each other go. 

He finally gave up on the idea of any kind of restful sleep. He got up, decided on making coffee and possibly some breakfast. 

He was leaning against the counter, head hanging down over his coffee cup when he heard Juliette walk quietly through the kitchen door. He turned to look at her. She seemed hesitant as she wrapped her arms around herself, her red hair loose around her shoulders. 

“Hey,” she said quietly. 

“Hi,” he replied. He tried to smile at her but he got the feeling it fell a little flat. “I made coffee.”

“Thanks.” She smiled tremulously in return before she walked over to the coffee pot. Nick watched as she got down a mug and made herself a cup. The silence felt suffocating as they stared at each other. 

Finally Nick couldn’t stand the oppressive feeling in the air anymore. He started to move towards her, reaching out his hand. “Juliette, I’m so-”

“No, stop.” Juliette’s hand came up between them as she shook her head. 

“Look, I’m sorry, Nick, but I can’t keep doing this.” Juliette blinked rapidly, her eyes turning glassy with tears as she wrapped her arms around herself again. She kept her eyes locked on Nick’s left shoulder. “You lied to me  _ again _ .”

“I’m so sorry, Juliette,” Nick said softly, watching her as her eyes squeezed shut and the tears began to fall. He felt almost numb as he watched her cry. He had never meant to hurt Juliette. Unfortunately, that's what always seemed to happen. “I’m sorry I keep hurting you.”

Juliette’s eye’s flicked up towards his face as she laughed wetly, bringing her hand up to wipe her eyes. “I know you are. I know. But it’s not enough, Nick. I’m sorry but I think we should break up.”

Nick grimaced. It hurt. But, despite the pain, he wasn’t surprised. He had put Juliette through so much over the last 2 years. 

“Do you want me to leave?” Nick hesitantly offered.  

“I’ll go.” Juliette turned toward the stairs. “I’ll call you when I figure some things out, okay?” 

Juliette stopped with her hand on the banister. Her voice was soft and Nick almost had to strain to hear her as she kept her head down. “Maybe we should just sell this place. Too many memories here.” 

She glanced back at Nick again. He could see the sadness plain on her face, tears still in her eyes and cheeks wet. She turned away and headed back out of the kitchen to the stairs. 

Less than fifteen minutes later she was back with a suitcase and a pillow in her arms. At the bottom of the stairs she paused and looked at Nick. He was leaning forward on the couch with his coffee in his hands. “I’ll call you in a few days, okay? We’ll talk.” Juliette looked slightly lost as her eyes moved over his face.  

Nick’s voice was hoarse when he spoke. “Yeah. Be safe, okay?”

Her mouth quirked and she nodded. “Goodbye, Nick.” 

He watched as she walked out, the door swinging gently behind her. He flinched sharply at the click of the latch as it shut. Nick had been focusing so hard that the sound echoed like a gunshot in his ears. 

He didn’t know how long he sat there contemplating his coffee mug but when he finally took a drink it had gone completely cold. He grimaced at it before setting it down on the coffee table and leaning back, scrubbing his hands over his face and through his hair. 

No matter how much the thought had hurt at the time, he should have listened to his aunt from the beginning. She had been absolutely right. He could have spared Juliette so much pain if he had let her go before his being a Grimm had overtaken so much of his life. 

As he sat there trying to decide what he should do next his thoughts kept straying back to the ritual he had done with the Capt- no, with  _ Sean _ . It was the straw that broke what was left between he and Juliette but he couldn’t bring himself to place any blame on Sean. Nick was the reason Juliette had left. Nick’s  _ lies _ were the reason she didn’t want to stay and try to work things out. 

He rubbed at his chest absently, feeling an odd tug. Lies of omission could be just as damaging as lies straight to a person’s face. 

He had barely completed the thought before his phone was in his hand and he was texting Sean. 

Nick:  _ Could you come over? I need to talk to you. _

Ten minutes later there was a knock on the door. 

Nick opened the door and felt himself relax as he smiled brightly at his guest.  “Sean.”

Sean reached out to touch Nick’s arm. “Are you okay? Did something happen?”

“Here, come in.” Nick opened the door wider and waved Sean in. “I’m sorry if I made you think it was an emergency.”

Nick hovered next to the doorway as he watched Sean move into the living room. Sean gave him a confused look as he turned back toward him when he noticed that Nick wasn’t following. “Nick? Why did you ask me to come over?”

Nick rubbed at his chest again, the tug in his chest turning into a sharp twinge. “Something happened,” he said, almost absently as he finally moved to join Sean in the living room. 

“What? Are you okay?” Sean jerked slightly towards Nick, hand reaching out to touch Nick’s shoulder. 

“What?” Nick blinked startled eyes at Sean, surprised for a second at his reaction before his previous words filtered back to him. “Oh! No, I’m fine. Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.” 

Sean took another step back towards Nick, his hand gently trailing down as he let go of Nick’s shoulder. “What happened? You look…” He trailed off as his eyes flickered over Nick’s face. 

“Juliette found out about the ritual,” Nick said. 

“What?” Surprise rang through Sean’s voice. “You hadn’t talked to her about it before?”

Nick looked rueful as he rubbed his mouth with the back of his hand and looked up at Sean. “It’s terrible but to be honest I just didn’t think about it.” 

Sadness leeched back into Nick’s eyes as he shook his head. “And that’s why it was the last straw for her. She left this morning.”

“Oh, Nick, I’m sorry,” Sean reached for Nick’s shoulder again, voice soft. 

Nick choked out a bitter laugh. He had brought this on himself, after all. “I’ll be okay. It’s not like this hasn’t been building since the minute I started lying to her about everything. I just didn’t think.

“Is this why you called me?”

“Yeah,” Nick sighed as he leaned into the hand still resting gently on his shoulder. “We’re trying to do something together with this ritual. This will change things for me and you needed to know.”

Nick abruptly realized how close he and Sean were standing as he looked up into Sean’s eyes. “I’m glad you called me,” Sean said quietly.

“Yeah,” Nick breathed the word as he brought his hand up to rest on Sean’s chest. His eyes drifted to Sean’s mouth before snapping back up to look into Sean’s green eyes.  His reasoning for asking Sean to come over drifted from awareness as all of Nick’s senses seemed to focus on Sean all at once. 

“Nick?” Nick heard Sean ask. Nick’s eyes flicked down to Sean’s lips again as he leaned slightly into Sean’s space. He saw Sean’s eyes heat up as they flicked down to his mouth and suddenly he was leaning up as Sean was leaning down. 

Sean’s breath ghosted over Nick’s mouth as he hesitated, eyes skating over Nick’s face again. Nick closed the distance between them, pressing their lips together in a kiss. They kissed almost chastely, lips moving gently together as Nick stepped closer and slid his hands up Sean’s chest. 

Heat started to build in Nick’s chest as he his hands moved higher, threading through Sean’s hair. He licked at the seam of his mouth, wanting more. Sean responded, mouth opening as he wrapped his arms around Nick and pulled him closer. 

The edge of the couch pressing against his legs brought with it a rush of clarity, like a bucket of cold water drenching him. Nick stiffened against Sean before he pushed him back. 

“Wait, stop,” he gasped out, leaning back and putting his hand on his mouth. His eyes were wild when he looked up at Sean. “This isn’t us, this can’t be real.”

Sean stepped close again, settling his hands on Nick’s hips. “Look at me, Nick.”

Nick’s looked up into Sean’s green eyes as he chewed at his bottom lip and pulled in his brows. This was too much, too fast and no matter how right it felt he didn’t think it could possibly be real. He had always noticed that Sean was attractive but this almost overwhelming drive to be  _ closer  _ and _ more _ had snuck up on him so quickly.

“I don’t  _ not _ want this. I like you and you’re attractive. This…  _ we _ could be good,” Sean couldn’t seem to keep his eyes from dropping to look at Nick’s mouth. 

Nick swayed into him, his own eyes following the same path until he was looking at Sean’s mouth. He was almost hypnotised by the still wet shine. Just as their chests made contact and Sean started leaning in again, Nick leapt back. 

“You- I just-” Nick stuttered as he stumbled back against the couch. He sat down abruptly. “I think we should think about this. I just broke up with Juliette!” 

“Okay,” Sean nodded, realization lighting up his eyes. He looked at Nick for a long moment, serious. “Okay, you’re right, I’m sorry,” he said. “I shouldn’t have kissed you.” 

Nick’s laugh sounded through the room, harsh and brittle. “I kissed you, too. You certainly didn’t force anything on me. We just  _ can’t  _ right now. I think… You really need to talk to your mother, Sean. This feels like more than just garden variety attraction. And the timing definitely makes it suspicious.” 

Sean nodded, mouth pinched. “I’ll call her.” With another long look at Nick, he turned to leave. He hesitated as he reached out to grab the door. “Call me if you need anything, Nick. Anything at all.”

Nick watched the door shut behind Sean, arms wrapped around himself. He didn’t know what to do. It felt like things were sliding wildly out of control. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A conversation with Monroe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go! Sorry it took so long to get this out but I also can't promise the next chapter will be any faster. I will do my best and I promise that this is not abandoned.

“I don’t know what to do, Monroe,” Nick groaned as he scrubbed his hands through his hair. 

Nick was sitting in Monroe’s living room, hair sticking straight up from repeated applications of his hands. Monroe sat in the chair, kicked back with a beer in his hand. He looked at Nick in exasperation. Nick had repeated variations on that statement multiple times since he had shown up at Monroe’s door without actually telling Monroe what exactly was going on beyond the fact that he and Juliette had broken up. 

“How am I supposed to help you if I don’t know the problem?” He took a pull from his beer and sat up, dropping his feet to the floor. “Seriously man. I get that you are having problems. You told me that Juliette left you but refused to tell me why. You then mumbled something about the ritual and then threw yourself on my couch and started moaning about not knowing what to do.” 

Monroe shook his head and sighed when Nick didn’t say anything. “You want a beer, man?” He didn’t wait for an answer as he got up and headed for his kitchen.  When he came back in the room he had two beers. Once he returned to his chair he leaned over and held out a beer for Nick. Nick’s face twisted in a grimace before he heaved a deep sigh and reached out to grab it. 

“Really?” Monroe snorted and shook his head as he flopped back into his chair, kicking his feet back up on the foot rest. “So? Am I going to get more than mumbles and complaints about not knowing what to do?”

“So.” Nick’s eyes darted up to look at Monroe for a second before focusing back down on his beer bottle.  “The captain and I did the ritual. That’s for starters. Not necessarily a bad thing, it’s been mostly working out well so far.” 

Nick hesitated for a moment before he snorted and shook his head. He took another fortifying drink of beer. “For the most part. To be fully honest, I definitely jumped into it without enough research. But the part that has to do with Juliette? I started hiding things from her again.” 

“What do you mean? Like, about when you were going to do the ritual?” 

“Like… I didn’t tell her about it at all. She wasn’t in town when I talked about it with you and it just… didn’t come up after she came home.” Nick was all but hiding behind his beer bottle as he confessed. 

“Didn’t come up? Wow, man. No wonder she’s pissed,” Monroe grunted as he shook his head at Nick, eyes wide in shock. 

Nick nodded ruefully.  He took another pull from his beer before he leaned forward to place it on the center table with a thunk against the wood. 

“Yeah,” It came out as a sigh. Nick knew he deserved Juliette’s ire and despite his sadness he wasn’t surprised that she had chosen to break up with him. “And while that is more than enough to ruin my week, that is not all that happened today.”

“Oh-ho. Since you left it for last, I’m assuming it’s worse? It must be a doozy if it can top breaking up with your girlfriend of 3 years, Nick,” Monroe huffed. 

“I think the ritual is doing something more than just- well, I mean, I do trust the captain more,” Nick continued to waffle. How should he explain everything that happened and everything he thought was actually going on? 

“Okay?” Monroe drew the word out. It was like pulling teeth sometimes with Nick. 

“We can feel it when either he or I has something that we need to share with each other. It’s like a tugging in my chest. Almost pain, but not.” 

“Nick, what else happened today?” Monroe asked pointedly. He was tired of Nick beating around the bush. Something serious had obviously happened to get Nick tied up in this many nots.

Nick closed his eyes. He didn’t know why this was so hard. He tipped his head back against the couch and kept his eyes shut as he spoke, not wanting to look at Monroe and see the judgement he felt sure would be there. 

“The tugging started up so I called him over. I figured I should tell him about what happened with Juliette. It could impact my work performance if nothing else, so I figured that was why I felt the ritual’s tug. And he came over and I told him what had happened and then…” Nick trailed off. He could barely comprehend himself what had happened, let alone tell Monroe. In retrospect, the whole memory seemed surreal and almost like a dream.

“Nick. Just tell me what happened,” Monroe’s voice rang with frustration. 

“I kissed him,” Nick finally admitted. 

“What?” Monroe gaped at an oblivious Nick who still had his eyes closed while he attempted to cobble together some kind of explanation for what had happened earlier that day. 

“I mean, well, we definitely kissed each other. But-” Nick hesitated. “I’m not sure if it was real.”

“What?” Monroe’s thought’s had stalled completely. If Monroe had been asked to guess what Nick might have had happen in the aftermath of breaking up with Juliette, this was the  _ last _ thing he would have said. 

“Monroe!” Nick opened his eyes to glower at Monroe’s shocked face. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I just-”  Monroe verbally floundered, still stuck on Nick’s shocking first statement. “Okay. So you kissed each other. What do you mean you don’t think it was real?” Monroe finally asked. Obviously there had to be more to the situation than just random kissing if Nick was really wondering that.  

“It definitely happened, I don’t mean I think the memory is fake or anything but…” Nick hesitated. “It was weird. It was like I couldn’t focus on anything other than him.” 

Nick finally opened his eyes. He contemplated the ceiling in silence as went back over his memory of that morning. Nick took a deep breath and finally tipped his head down to meet Monroe’s confused gaze. “It felt like nothing else mattered in that moment.” 

“Like nothing-else-mattered as in magic made you do it?” Monroe grimaced. He remembered what had happened with Juliette and the captain just as well as Nick did. Just the idea of magic forcing that kind of feeling and need horrified him. 

“Not-” Nick hesitated. 

No, that wasn’t exactly right. It hadn’t felt fake, exactly. It hadn’t felt forced. The way he had felt in that moment hadn’t been exactly completely new. Nick had felt attraction to the captain from the first moment he had met him but it hadn’t ever been anything more than a passing acknowledgement of the fact that Nick found Sean Renard attractive. 

In that moment it had felt like every moment Nick had ever looked at Sean and found him attractive had been brought to the forefront all at once and then multiplied by ten. 

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is still going through edits slowly but surely. I'll let you know when I change a previous chapter but nothing should change in such a way that the story won't make sense anymore. My writing is just improving as I go along and I'm wanting to go back and improve the first chapters, too.


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